Tuesday, January 31

Short Term Memory Loss

So I wish that I could say that she turned to me, gasped, bowed to her date, and she and I went skipping off into the sunset. Nope. Quite the contrary. Sarah pretty much disappeared for the next three weeks.

For three weeks I looked. For three weeks I watched. For three weeks I would look out the window every single time I walked past in hopes that she might be outside, might be getting into her car. Did I see her? Nope. Not once. Did I even see her car in the parking lot? Nope. She pretty much fell off the face of the planet.

Well, the 3rd of July came around. I was walking along the street, enjoying the festivities like most when there she was, sitting on a blanket, strumming a guitar. Love at first sight? No, not exactly. Was I intrigued however? You betcha.

We talked, we laughed, and I said goodnight. I didn't want to press her. I took a risk. She disappeared for three weeks. I put a hope out there that she wouldn't again for the next three...

...I saw her the very next day... and the day after that... and the day after that...

Tuesday, January 24

Chapter 2 - Blind Date

Sarah and I met when she was being picked up for a blind date.

It was late June and I had just returned from a blasting fun trip to Lake Powell. We were having a ward party in our back parking area. I ran inside as I saw a nice BMW pull into the parking lot, and happened to see that University Parking was on the poor chap's heels; unbeknown to Mr. BMW.

As I came back out my roommate was discussing with University Parking about the need of them booting this guy's car so quickly. Mr. BMW had quite literally run into my neighbor's home for five minutes and was walking back out with a girl to this situation.

The first thing I notice is the girl. To say that she was stunning would be quite the understatement. I asked myself two questions: "Where have you been hiding, under a stupid rock or something?" and "Why are you not on a date with me?!"

My roommate and I did a pretty good job of contesting the validity of this parking boot. After several minutes and a hefty gathering of an audience, we failed. But... I met Sarah for the first time.

And it was all worth it...

Thursday, January 12

Chapter 1

Okay, yeah I know, I haven't written on here in well... nearly six months... (wow... has it really been that long?) I'm sitting here in my English 316 class and my teacher spends 85% of the time talking politics so I thought that I'd make this "English Class" productive and write english.

He just made the comment, "In the real world of work it doesn't matter how far you move the ball. It only matters that you score." Basically meaning, no one will notice or care if you do the typical, mundane, routine requirements of your job. So look for ways to score. Look for ways to distinguish yourself. Look for ways to impress. Pretty sound advice.

Anyway, I thought I'd take this time to write about one of the most important things that has happened in my life: my meeting, courting, and engagement to Sarah. I won't drone on. Short posts are so much more powerful than long.

Summer of 2011.

A bustling college town.

A blue-eyed, skin-tanned boy and a brown-eyed, pious girl.

Monday, September 5

Therefore, thy Confidence

Labor Day.

Strange name for a day that such a few number of people in America "labor." I suppose it is the antithesis of the fact, a day to rest from our labors. On this "day of rest" I have spent all morning studying and laboring for revelation, heavenly sent. The past week I felt that I had been weighed, I had been measured, and I had been found to be wanting.

The first week of school has already taken me nearly to that breaking point. I, like so many others, found myself exclaiming after five measly days of school, "I am in dire need of this three-day weekend." But why, why was it so simple to tax me beyond what I thought myself capable? The answer to that quandary has left me searching my soul this labor-less day.

One greater than myself has stumbled and lost sure footing when times became difficult. Travailing along in the storm of life where the seas tossed and turned he cast his eyes about and let the ominous uncertainties take away his faith. I too lost sight of the goal and let my faith deviate from the true source. I  felt that One to ask of me, with His hand always extended, "Wherefore didst thou doubt?"

Thus, I find myself wrestling for knowledge on this Labor Day. Textbooks sit piled up next to me with an even more ominous beck and call to be split and studied. However, when the day is done and I look back on these precious morning hours spent laboring for knowledge, I know that I will say I sought the greater study.

Labor Day, the day I labored for my soul. And was all the better because of it.

- J

Saturday, August 27

Here's lookin' at you kid.

School starts in less than two days and I find myself vastly unready. Where did those Summer days go? What happened to adventures in the mountains and escapades in far distant lands? I find that there is a small voice that reminds me, "Spent and gone Joshua, spent and gone."

Looking back on this Summer now closing, I find that my head bows in gratitude. In 50 words or less:

A new job and internship. Adventures to Lake Powell and the Caribbean. Skipping about in a new car. Seeing, laughing, talking, adventuring, and loving every minute of my blessed life with Sarah.

32 words... seems an injustice to the majesty that has been this Summer.

In anxious excitement I proceed forward towards a new school year. Early morning team practice, difficult classes, and hours of work await me, I am sure. Again I hear that small voice saying, "Fear not. Come what may and love it." So I shall do just that, come what may and I will love it. Best of luck to you, whoever you are, reading these my words. Godspeed.

- Joshua

Monday, July 11

You Pull me Closer to Love

I remember the first time that someone asked me, "Which is better: to have loved and lost? or to have never loved at all?" I remember that at the time I was so hopelessly lost in the heart of another that I haphazardly leapt to say 'to have loved and lost." I was a fool, giddy and completely blind to a reality of pain that existed in this frame of existence.

I do not recall if it was that same person that asked me that question a few months later but things were different then. A few months later found me naked and cold on the romantic streets, beaten black and blue. Nonetheless, ask they did, "Which is better: to have loved and lost? or to have never loved at all?" Between clenched teeth I swore it was still 'to have loved and lost.' Red in the eyes and exhausted to the core I gathered my wounded heart and left them to ponder on my frail conviction.

Which is better: to have loved and lost? or to have never loved at all?

Many relationships later and a few more pieces of shattered heart lain strewn about, I would still echo that giddy fool.

Love transforms us into Gods. Love given teaches charity and patience. Love received teaches us hope and faith. However, true wisdom comes in the form of love lost. Love lost yields the most precious fruits. It teaches of the Atonement, it teaches of the Savior and His sacrifice for all. It brings us to a pedestal of humility and pain; one on which greater men than us have suffered and bled for all. Love lost brings us to our knees... to a sacred place... to commune with deity.

Which is better: to have loved and lost? or to have never loved at all?

Again... to have loved and lost...

And thusly so I find myself pushing forward... forward toward an uncertainty that terrifies my trembling heart. Yet onward I will go, faltering yet still believing... into the darkness and silence, in hopes that someday... somewhere... someone... will meet me in the light.

Tuesday, May 31

Let it out and move on

For months now I have felt a writer's block of sorts. I've felt that yearning within me to write, to exposit feelings to print. Often, so very often I would log onto Blogger and start to write. More often than not words seemed to come out through a mental cheese grater; nasty, stringy and just plain silly looking. I think I doubled the number of drafts in my little Blogger stockpile.

So here I am again, hoping that this mental swiss cheese will fade. I've decided that I will grieve it out, that I will word vomit until it's word magic. Bear with me. This could get a little messy.

Well here are some recent thoughts and happenings:

- Car shopping = pain in the rear end, wish it would conclude and wish I could just find a good deal.
- New job is wonderful. I feel so legit when I tell people. It feels good to feel significant.
- I met someone this last Sunday. I find that I can't get her smile out of my head these past few days.

Alright, it's late. I'll write more substantial fluff tomorrow. I've really got to get over this writer's block. I miss the sanctuary that is exposition.